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Is urban stress breaking down relationships?Indians always were surprised at the rate of breaking down of American marriages and nevah cud understand why it happenned. It happenned in Japan as well, where young women stopped getting married and the country's population growth plunged, so its not about western or eastern values, its about the price of success. Its happenning more and more in our cities. Despite having bigger cars and bigger houses, why aren't people happy??? Why are'nt people happier??? Is the price of success, breaking down of marriages and deteriorating health???
The reason is that the urban turmoil creates amazing frustration and negative energy in us. This makes us let our steam out at home. The relatively small issues become issue of big ego tussles and about man woman supremacy. Its because people are too involved in the mess they created in their urge to be successful, that they forget to say and do those little nice things that built relationships. Its coz they believe their dreams are bigger than their relationships. Its becoz in their urge to win the rat race that we are running away from the very happiness that made us participate in the rat race.
So do we leave the rat race and lead ordinary lives? Will that bring back happiness? I think the forgotten word here is "contentment". There needs to be a certain milestone in life, where a person needs to be satisfied with his achievments and look back at his life. If u keep lookin for "more" and "better", the rat race will end someday, and so will a lot else. 9% growth needs infrastructure and needs healthy people. We need to learn to balance material success and emotional stability. I think our generation faces the tough job, of making the transition from age of starving for consumerism to the age of plenty in more ways than one. The framework we develop will help our kids deal with a time of extraordinary opportunity and extraordinary challanges.
What can be that framework???????? Is losing innocence a gain???I was watching "Dil Chahta Hai" the other day, maybe to celebrate friendship day. Its a good movie not only coz of its story but becoz it succeeds in bringing out the most beautiful relationship that a person experiences in his life which is friendship without motive.
I was a little cynical bout the friendship day like father's day, mother's day etc etc till I started watching the movies and remembered all those lost friendships from school to college to university. The growing up, the pranks, the infatuations we all went thru as we grew up. How the innocence of those friendship took the bitterness away from life. As we grew older, and careers took over, those innocent friendships started getting lost and instead life's focus became networking and contacts.
Does innocence or innocent relationships have a meaning in life???
As I now reach a stage where my network and my life is in place, I long for those innocent friendships again where u cud let ur hair down, where u did not have to put ur best foot forward. Those college friendships where u cud go and discuss probs, without being worried of showing weakness to the other person. That taking for granted of ur best friend, knowing that she understood u even when u were wrong.
Real life can be ruthless, u r ruthless to competitors as they r to u. There is room for that innocent friendship, that laughter bout nothing, the healing and honest listening that only a friend can give u. Often becoz of all the pressure from career and life, we tend to let friendships go into the background and lose those friends who long as much to have u back as u do now.
The day after I saw "Dil Chahta Hai", my long lost friend from college called me and we both accepted that we missed each other a lot but just kept postponing meeting up, coz something came up. But I am glad it finally happened.
Its time to call that friend now, the one who spent those innocent years with u many years ago. To hear that familiar voice, and u will feel alive again, that familiar chuckle. Sure life is rough, u have a kid and spouse breathing down ur neck, but there shud be a time to let ur hair down and laugh like u did once with some who u loved doing it with.. Happy Freindship DayHi been a little busy, well din have a gr8 weekend though coz I was a lil unwell so I realized only in the afternoon that it was friendship day, it was also Teej ( festival my parental side celebrates so had folks over) & my daughter celebrated her 6 and a half year b'day, that's a norm in my family that me and my daughter celebrate our b'days every six months, ofcourse the original one is a grand affair. I forgot to wish everyone personally but then you know how illness and folks coming together can be.
But luckily it hasn't struck twelve yet & I still got time to wish all the wonderful friends that I made during all these months (barely 2 months of blogging and I know some wonderful people) & those who take the pain to visit my site, "A Very Happy Friendship Day"
     Just want to tell all those special people whom I've met on this space, that u make all the difference in my day to day life. I have a low phase at times & sumtimes I am simply having a bad hair day, but your comments just change the gloomy day into a beautiful sunny one. I appreciate the effort you take to comment & how all of you have made a special place in my heart, which just amazes me that how sumone sitting far in some country or a city I've never seen, sumtimes don't even know their names (well I know names of almost all the important ones) can bring a smile on my face so effortlessly. I want to say you mean a lot to me.
I am a little partial so I want to take the opportunity to thank those special friends who are very dear to me, but then I know a few diligently read my space everyday & it would be unfair to them as well as those who commented once or twice. I know everyone I wanted to name already knows how special they are to me. Thanx
 Hope all of you are as Happy in your life as you make me, and have a gr8 prosperous, healthy lives.
Happy Friendship day to everyone.
 Why we hurt those we love mostWhy we hurt those we love most?
This is a question that bothers most of us at some point or the other. Is it a misunderstanding of intentions? Is it the intensity of our feeling towards that person that leads to it? Is it that person's expectation that is belied?
Sometimes our good intentions fly at our face as our loved one feels hurt by then very intention meant to please him/her. I think this is the key test of a relationship and if only we could wear the other person's shoes, we know that he/she did not mean any harm to us. If only we can always avoid acting in an oversensitive manner to everything that our significant other does or does not do. If only we understood the other person like we understand ourselves.
Most of these instances happen becoz men and women are constituted differently. While there are many books and consultants on this topic. No one has been able to master this difference of genders. At such points it is key to think positively and avoid the natural negativity that engulfs us. We need to think bout all the gud that person has done to us and assess him/her in an overall sense, that based on that instance. Instead of expecting him/her to act similar to us, we shud respect our differences. To know each others' likes and dislikes so that we know what can hurt.
The challange remains how to create a machine with different components and make it run efficiently. How to look beyond shortcomings and revel in each other's happiness and success. On how to avoid making this hurt into a prejudice and stop it from guiding future actions. On how to become better individually brilliant yet collectively successful.
Is Prince Charles happier Than B4 ???In life most things are understood better the second time around, including LOVE. Middle age romance is love that happens to a person generally the second time around. If middle age romance is the first romance in a person's life than he's really missed out. We all know how pre-marital romance ends.
Middle age romance is at its best when a person has already been married and has lead a screwed up life, post marriage. Middle age romance tends to be better coz generally both parties have suffered earlier. It is also better coz the man often remembers to do all that he used to 4get earlier. The lady has probably learnt maturity and how to give more space. Middle age romance is love with grey hair, it knows what mistakes not to make. It knows the rewards of being loved and cost of loneliness.
The question here is would middle age love be the same had the parties not failed earlier ?? Is it the age or the experience of failure that makes it a success ?? Why does a man leave Princess Di for Camilla Parker Bowles ???
As most marriages becum loveless, middle age romance raises questions that need to be answered. Divorce rates in the US have dropped, not becoz marriages are more successful but coz ppl are living in more and marrying less. Does middle age love fulfill needs or create more instability in an institution that has survived the test of time. It raises the most basic question that does a person live for himself/herself or for others ???? Is Love At First sight "LUST" ????Can choosing a significant other be a matter where u do less due diligence, than when buying a TV ?? Does sumone having a beautiful body and maybe a pleasing personality mean that he / she will definatly be compatible ???
Love at first sight is concept difficult to understand. It probably works well with animals who are unable to communicate as effectively. Love has to be mating of the mind, body & soul. Love at first sight addresses only of those issues. Sum ppl would think that they had gut feel bout the person, only to find out that the gut feel was always rite, except on this occasion.
To find a perfect mate for the body, mind & soul it requires spending a long time and thru several issues which can hardly be done in a sweet lil two month courtship.
In the long run, love tests a persons resolve, commitment, tolerance & ability to take pressure. The general bollywood concept of falling in love in five minutes, probably encourages 80% of Loves at first sight. The only bollywood movie which grinds u thru love is " HUM TUM "& that is how u find true love.
So is Love at first sight or Love thru Grinding, True LOVE ???? |
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